From the 11.24.10 LBN E-Lert
By Damarys Ocana
Eva Longoria will be fine. More than fine, in fact, says author and marriage expert Donna Estes Antebi. Why? “Eva Longoria is not destined to be alone in this world. She’s a beautiful, fabulous woman and there’s a lot to be said for not having to live with a man you feel you need to put a LoJack on.”
As painful as it is now, Antebi says Eva did the right thing in kicking her soon-to-be ex Tony Parker to the curb for sexting with ex-teammate Brent Barry’s wife, Erin. The renowned author of The Real Secrets Women Only Whisper told us the truth about emotional vs. physical cheating and why Eva shouldn’t give Tony another chance. She even shares some tips on what you can do to guard yours against “weeds” (aka man-stealing chicks).
Eva busted Tony with hundreds of sexts between him and Erin Barry. Is there any chance that it stopped there?
There’s next to no chance that he and his friend’s wife have done nothing but text. There’s a new study that says that people who are texting, sexting and courting through the internet step up to an intimate relationship even faster than people who meet face to face. It’s a very intimate forum.
Tony had apparently cheated before and Eva forgave him. Was it realistic to keep the relationship going at that point? Can a relationship ever really bounce back from infidelity?
It’s not easy but it is possible. Once she discovers that, a woman may go through years of what I call post-traumatic cheating syndrome, meaning that you may think that you’re going along just fine and then suddenly there’s a trigger that reminds you: it could be the girl’s name, a movie that reminds you of her, and all those horrible feelings come back up to the surface again.
My recommendation usually is: If you have children, you have a marriage worth fighting for. But if it’s early in the relationship and he cheats on you out of the gate, he’s going to cheat on you down the line. So, it’s best to make your exit early.
For Eva, hallelujah! She doesn’t have children with him. She’s so fortunate for this to happen now. Imagine if she’d wanted to have a baby. She should be able to share that with a wonderful man who is worthy of sharing her life. This guy is not. If he’s cheating on you in the honeymoon period, wait until he’s really bored.
Do men perceive texting differently from women? Is it generally harmless as long as you don’t’ take it to the next level?
I think they know exactly what they’re doing when they’re texting and sexting. They’re flirting. They know they’re not doing something that is conducive to a healthy, happy relationship at home. They absolutely know they’re stepping out of bound. If you’re not comfortable doing it in front of your wife, then you know it’s something you shouldn’t be doing.
What’s the difference between emotional and physical cheating?
Physical cheating is unquestionably a bigger deal, but the other is a big deal, too, because it so often leads to physical cheating and it is still a betrayal, the violation of a commitment. Tony’s texting, we’re not talking three or four of them, but hundreds of them, so the emotional betrayal is huge. And even more complicated for her other than she’s a famous person is that there is another degree of humiliation there because it’s someone’s wife that they know.
Men cheat with people they know and it’s not uncommon at all for them to cheat with their wife’s best friend, their interior decorator, or their real estate agent. Wives are vulnerable to any women who have access to their husbands. I have something I call the no-access equation: Access + Friendship x Flirtation = Trouble. It all starts with access. Most men don’t wake up and think, “Oh, I want to cheat.” It all begins with access.
Eva and Erin Barry were really good friends who bonded over being Spurs wives and hung out together at the games and outside the games. Was that a mistake?
No. She did nothing wrong. She thought she had a really good friend. Eva made no mistakes at all. She is a fabulous woman. This has nothing to do with her. As much as it breaks her heart, she’s doing the right thing by getting a divorce. If she doesn’t do it this time, the next time she files will be for the same reason as this time. She has no reason to stay. She already knows what she needs to know about him and she doesn’t have children. She’s a beautiful fabulous woman. Eva Longoria is not destined to be alone in this world. There’s a lot to be said for not having to live with a man you feel you need to put a LoJack on.
Not to mention a supposed friend that you need to have a LoJack on.
I refer to women who sleep with other women’s husbands as weeds. They’re very stubborn and hard to get rid of. They’re unwanted and try to take over something that belongs to someone else. They can’t get a decent man on their own so they poach someone else’s. She was trying to poach Eva’s husband. This woman may be rich and married to a famous athlete, but she is still a weed—the worst kind of weed, a weed that used to be your friend.
Donna Estes Antebi
Author & Marriage Expert
therealsecretswomenonlywhisper.com
Follow Donna on Twitter @donnaantebi
Levine Communications Office 